The most powerful words we hear are the ones we say to ourselves.

As you might imagine, today’s Thought Partner shines a light on our worst enemy: ourselves. 

Much has been written about our inner critic, inner saboteur, and self-sabotaging behaviors (heck, I wrote four Thought Partners in July about those behaviors alone).

So WHY continue to focus on this topic? (FYI – why is one of my least favorite words in the English language, along with moist and convenience. The latter because I can never spell it without autocorrect). I will tell you WHY.

Because the negative messages we tell ourselves devour the positive ones quicker than Ms. Pac-Man devoured pellets on her dash from Pinky, Blinky, Inky, Sue, and Clyde. (If those who get that reference could only move that fast in the mornings, we’d all be in better shape. For those who don’t, take my word for it, it was fast and she used to eat my quarters even faster.)

Anyway, the point is, that our worst enemy wouldn’t berate us like our own inner voice does at times. 

What can we do about that and how can we reframe our inner messages to be kinder, gentler, and more realistic? 

Often the messages we tell ourselves center on IMAGINED FAILURE. Imagined failure is failure that hasn’t happened. It prevents us from taking any positive action because it erodes our confidence and resolve. Imagined failure causes us to stagnate in the face of self-doubt. It’s paralyzing and by the way, it invents problems our rational mind has difficulty solving because most of them ARE NOT REAL. 

What imagined failure thrives on however is the secrecy of its message. No one else hears it but you. Messages like these enjoy the dark recesses of our minds; they don’t want to be exposed or voiced aloud. They don’t like the light.

This may sound a little off the mark, but follow me and give the following a try:

1. The next time your imagined failure saboteur creeps into your mind with a negative message, a message of self-doubt or sabotage, I want you to write it down. Word for word.

2. Then I want you to read it aloud as if you’re giving this message to a friend, or your boss, or a child.

3. Then I want you to imagine giving that same message to your pet. If you don’t have a pet, grab a stuffed animal (one impossibly cute).

The point is, I bet you would NEVER talk to your pet the way you talk to yourself. Sometimes we’re not our best and we talk to people in less favorable ways, but typically not animals. 

If you wouldn’t talk to a pet that way, don’t talk to yourself that way.