This June we’re focusing on great quotes from great people. My goal over the next several weeks is not only to remind you of some great mentions you may have previously heard but also to introduce you to folks with whom you might be less familiar.
I envision most of June’s Thought Partners to be fashioned as “mic drop” moments – where the brilliance of others sticks with us a few minutes longer and forces us to ponder just a little bit harder. I suppose we’ll see how close I came to that vision at the end of June. In the meantime, let’s get on with it.
Last week we explored The Magic Bank Account found in Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant’s wallet upon his passing. This week I’d like to share a quote from one of my coaching mentors, Dr. Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, MCC. Dr. Reynolds is the author of numerous books such as, Coach the Person, Not the Problem,Breakthrough Coaching, and The Discomfort Zone and I had the privilege of learning directly from her in the inaugural cohort of her Breakthrough Coaching course.
As we were discussing how clients create buy-in and accountability for themselves, she said something that has stuck with me. She said most people subscribe to the notion “If it comes out of your mouth, I doubt it. If it comes out of my mouth, it’s true.” Essentially we believe our own stories, the stories of others, maybe not so much. The challenge for coaches is assisting clients to see the truth of a situation for themselves.
When clients believe they have a path forward on whatever it is they’ve been contemplating, and they take ownership and accountability for their next steps, the coach should listen closely for a phrase similar to “that’s right”, to come from the client.
According to Dr. Reynolds, in any conversation, hearing “you’re right” is VERY different from hearing “that’s right”. When someone tells you “you’re right”, chances of them taking action on whatever it is they’re saying you’re right about is slim to none. More often than not, they don’t have buy-in on what “you’re right” about, and therefore action steps on that plan are less likely to follow.
However, hearing “that’s right” is confirmation in their mind that whatever it is “that’s right” is the way to move forward and buy-in is more likely to occur, action is more likely to happen.
So listen closely the next time you’re in conversation with someone. Are you convincing them of your story and do you hear “you’re right”? Or are you assisting them in clarifying their story and hearing “that’s right”? The outcome will yield very different results.
