I guarantee you, there’s a quiet crisis happening in a conference or meeting room near you. I’m calling it “The Silence Gap”.
The Silence Gap occurs when your team stops disagreeing with you or stops bringing issues to your attention. It’s not that they’ve started to agree with everything you say or think, or because there are no surfacing issues requiring your attention, that you don’t know about. But because they’ve decided it’s safer to stay quiet.
I’m writing about this topic because I’ve been talking about this topic. A lot. With multiple clients. And here’s what I think I’ve unearthed from my conversations: if everyone’s nodding along, if no one is talking about the six-ton elephant that’s stomping through the organization, people are lying to you. (By the way, I’m firmly in the camp that an “omission of truth” is a lie. You can debate me if you wish, but that’s where I’m pitching my tent.)
When people don’t tell us what they think, or show us what we’re missing, we lose the information that allows us to be better decision-makers. Real input, from people who may see angles we don’t, is illuminating and imperative. The alternative results in us leading with incomplete information, making calls based on what people think we want to hear instead of what we need to know, and allows elephants to stampede anyplace they want. These are situations leaders never want to find themselves in.
If we’re telling the truth (and that’s what this post encourages us to do), we’re all aware that smart decisions live in messy territory. After all, the future is uncertain. We’re never going to have all the information and data we want before making a decision. Most of our choices mean we’re going to have to give something else up to choose what we’ve chosen. And what’s true today could very well shift tomorrow.
The real kicker for leaders, and most of us, is that we’re often vetting our reasoning through filters we don’t always fully comprehend in the moment.
But all is not lost! Closing the Silence Gap is possible! Your first indication is the absence of disagreement. That’s your warning sign. Don’t ignore it and don’t blaze through it like a yellow light, hoping you just make it through the intersection before it turns red. It will eventually turn red. It always does.
Here are a few tips to help you address The Silence Gap (even if you don’t think you need them, give one or two a try. Do it for your coach!):
1. Ask someone you trust if they think your culture is safe or comfortable. There is a difference. You want safe; you don’t necessarily want comfortable.
2. Be careful you don’t swing the pendulum too far in the other direction once you’re heightened to this quiet crisis. Collaboration improves outcomes. But don’t wait for unanimous enthusiasm before you make moves; that’s stalling, not leading.
3. If the only way to obtain agreement, if needed, is to lower the bar to “I can live with this.” That might be okay. That’s often exactly where good decisions live – at the intersection of smart people disagreeing while still moving forward together.
A leader’s job isn’t to eliminate disagreement. It’s to create an environment where people tell you the truth even when it’s inconvenient, a little uncomfortable, and often louder than silent.
When there are multiple viable paths forward, there should be multiple voices in the room. Disagreement isn’t dysfunction; it’s proof that people are safe to think and innovate.
Here’s your Friday Assignment: What’s one thing you’re going to do this coming week to make disagreement safer for those around you?
Remember, too, silence is not always golden.
