Most leaders genuinely want to bring out the best in their people. The intention is rarely the problem; the approach usually is.

We tend to believe that if we give people the right information, the right training, the right directive, they will change. So we send them to workshops (I conduct many!). We update the policy manual. We lay out the business case with clarity and confidence. And then we wait.

And we keep waiting.

And here’s the reality….you cannot change another person.
No matter how much authority you have, how compelling your argument is, or how obvious the need for change seems to you, people change themselves.

Your role is to create the conditions that make change more likely. That’s it. And that realization is both more humble and more powerful than most of us realize.

So what does letting go of the notion that you can change someone else look like?

It starts with you.

  • The most quietly effective thing you can do to grow the people around you is to be someone who is visibly, genuinely growing yourself. When people on your team see you sitting with a book, asking questions you do not already know the answers to, or saying “I’m still working on that,” you help shift perspectives. Learning becomes part of the culture because you made it part of yours first.
  • It also means getting curious about people’s stories. Where someone grew up, who helped shape them, and what they were proud of before they ever held a job title. When you take the time to understand someone’s history, you begin to understand why they see the world the way they do. And that understanding opens doors that no amount of feedback or coaching ever could. People grow when they feel truly seen, because self-awareness is the soil that growth takes root in.
  • Perhaps most importantly, people will not move toward change if they do not trust that you are genuinely invested in their success. Not your success. Their success. The leaders I have seen create the most meaningful, lasting transformation in others are the ones who make it unmistakably clear, through consistent action, that they are in their people’s corner. When someone believes you want the best for them, they become willing to consider becoming more for themselves.


Creating positive change in others is not a program or a process. It is a relationship.

Which of these three, be honest with yourself, could you lean into more with your team right now?