Over the years, I’ve written extensively about the components of Emotional Intelligence, which include Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, and Relationship Management. There are now more Thought Partners in the archives on this subject than I can link here. Feel free to spend a few minutes exploring the Thought Partner Archives for some good gems.

Rather than spending our time today focusing on the WHAT of these EQ components, let’s take a look at a HOW instead.

Most of us have heard the statement “People do business with those they know, like, and trust.” To a certain extent, it’s how companies and operators (like myself) continue to gain new clients. The referral process thrives on this concept of “know, like, and trust”. I’m grateful those who know, like, and trust me, continue to send me referrals! (Keep those comin’, by the way. 😉)

So how is this statement related to the four components of Emotional Intelligence? It’s related through the social skill of likability. Likability is defined as having qualities that make someone pleasant and agreeable, and that inspire liking.

Let’s be honest, there are some days when you may feel less pleasant and agreeable than others. When those days come your way, how can you tap into your Emotional Intelligence and practice the social skill of likability? Check out the three tips below for tapping into this quality.

3 Tips for Practicing Likability

1. Like People (People like people who like people)

  • I’m not being facetious. On days that are “too people-y” (and don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean because we all have those, even me), you may need to intentionally remind yourself that you like people, especially those around you. Before you snap a response or ask a question starting with the word “why”, make a quick mental list of a few things that you like about the person in front of you. I guarantee you will respond more appropriately when you recall the qualities that make that person likable.

2. Check your Resting Think Face (Some of you might have read that twice)

  • I’ve heard it said once that your think-face is your stink-face. Often when we’re thinking we have less than welcoming expressions on our faces and those can be misinterpreted in a number of negative ways. I’m not saying you have to smile 24-7 regardless of the circumstance (that’s disingenuous and we’ll address that in #3) but if you know you have a pensive face during contemplation, or even a less expressive face, use your words to express your true feelings. For example, you can say things like:
    • One of the things I admire about you is…
    • I’m really glad you mentioned that…
    • Thank you for bringing this up…
    • I’m a little confused; can you clarify…

3. Accept Yourself (Strengths and Weaknesses)

  • Being comfortable with yourself means you’re not trying too hard to be liked by others. Typically people don’t respond well to those they think are faking it. So acknowledge your strengths and your limitations. Share lessons you’ve learned from things that didn’t go as planned. Talk about the things you are learning. Be human. People like human.

Likability is the meat of the Know, Like, and Trust sandwich.

Practice the tip that most resonates with you and let me know what you notice.