Welcome to March, *|FNAME|*! This month, we’ll explore themes of self-awareness and growth through the lens of learning to understand yourself in pursuit of leading others. Sounds like a mouthful, but I’m confident you’re up to the task! Let’s start with a story.

I was recently in a coaching session with a leader who expressed his desire to seek advice from one of his board members. He was hesitant to seek input from them because he didn’t want to appear as though he was weak, he didn’t know what he was doing, or he was reluctant to make a tough decision on his own. As our conversation progressed, I asked the leader to consider several paths that would enable him to appear smart and skillful versus weak and directionless. Together, we crafted solid entry points for the conversation, generated instigating questions, and concluded our time with a plan of action. (And I gleaned today’s Thought Partner: How Great Leaders Ask for Advice!)

Strong leaders understand that gathering perspectives from others isn’t a weakness; it’s a crafted strategy. The manner in which the request is framed determines the quality of guidance received.

Avoid these vague questions that generate NO actionable insights:

  • “Can I get your advice?”
  • “What do you think I should do?”
  • “I’m at a loss on this one.”
  • “I’ve tried everything.”
  • “I want to get better.” (at what, exactly?)

Instead, start with your destination in mind:

Focus your question on where you’re headed, not necessarily the problem you’re facing. Rather than asking “How do I handle this conflict between these three team members?” try “I’m creating an environment where people address disagreements directly and constructively.”

Resist the urge to pepper your statement with generic phrases like “enhance collaboration” or “boost morale.” Blah, blah, buzzword blah…name the specific outcome you’re pursuing and bang on with it, as my British colleagues say.

Precision in your ask yields precision in the response.* (Newly minted Stacyism)

Try these questions to generate actionable insight:

  • “What’s worked for you in similar situations?”
  • “I’m focused on creating a safe environment where people can speak freely. How have you built trust when the stakes were high and the information needed was critical to hear?”
  • “What mistakes have you seen leaders make when (insert your specific objective)?”
  • “I’m exploring approaches to… What options would you consider?” (Note: “options” rather than “your best option”. When you use the plural, you are not committing yourself to implementing their singular suggestion; it removes pressure to commit and opens dialogue for multiple options.)

How this approach worked:

Because the leader sought wisdom thoughtfully, he was able to strengthen an alliance, previously amicable, into an alliance of substance. I’d venture a guess that the board member becomes even more invested in my leader’s success now that he has valued and validated their experiences. A win-win situation, if either one of them asks me!

A longer-lasting takeaway is the insight that valuable advice and experience exist all around us; we just need to practice crafting the right questions to access it.

As I shared with my leader, the best leaders aren’t those with all the answers. They’re the ones who know how to draw wisdom from their network.

If you want to learn how… I’m always here.

If you want your leader to learn how…forward this Thought Partner with the note “I follow this phenomenal coach; you can sign up for her Friday Thought Partner here.”