Welcome to June!

How that happened so quickly this year is beyond me. Maybe I wasn’t paying enough attention? Maybe I’ve been having so much fun with clients and new projects?

That must be it.

I must have been consumed by “The Art of Working Together”…our theme for June’s Thought Partner Fridays. 

Let’s take our first look at maximizing the Art of Working Together by exploring how we conduct conversations.
Most conversations aren’t conversations at all.They are two people waiting for their turn to talk.

We call it a discussion, but it’s more like dueling monologues.

Dueling monologues are a problem because the art of working together starts with actually listening to each other.

Listening is THE superpower many of us overlook.

Working together requires honing our listening skills.

Here’s how we can start:

1. Stop preparing your response. While someone is talking, your job isn’t to formulate your next thoughts as a comeback; it’s to understand what they are sharing with you. If listening feels easy, you’re probably not doing it correctly. Listening requires eyes and ears. Listen and observe, make sure both senses are activated.

Check yourself: Can you recall the last three things your conversation partner said to you, without checking your notes, if you were engaged enough to take them?

2. Ask before you speak. Are you listening to respond? Try to listen to get curious. Force yourself to ask a question. Then ask another one. The second question is almost always better than the first one. Challenge yourself to ask two questions before you make one statement.

Check yourself: When was the last time you asked two questions before offering your thoughts?

3. Summarize what you heard. Repeat what you heard back to your conversation partner using their words, not your interpretation. Then ask: “Did I get that right?” People feel seen when their words are reflected to them accurately. It’s called Reflective Inquiry.

Check yourself: It’s okay if you can’t recite word-for-word what your conversation partner told you, but if you can’t use at least a few of their words, you weren’t listening.

4. Drop the urge to fix. Not every conversation needs a solution. Sometimes showing up present is the contribution. Resist the reflex to fix and just listen. This can be super challenging for people who want to problem-solve and activate their Restorative Strength, but it’s doable, says the woman whose #4 Strength is Restorative.

Check yourself: After your last tough conversation, did the other person leave feeling heard or handled?

Better conversations don’t require more talking. They require better listening.
Better listening is where working together becomes an art.